Facebook is king and, if anyone who still drops by here is wondering why it’s been so quiet, it’s because the wee wifey to be and I spend most of our time on Facebook. Why blog when you can sum up your thoughts in a tidy little one liner?

Unfortunately, because social media is social, everyone and there granny can tell what’s on your mind. But sometimes you need to speak your mind in the knowledge that not everyone’s going to hear about it.

And that’s where this place comes in. The sweet, undisturbed sanctuary of the old blog. Thank fuck. There are things that need to be said and I may be back here more often.

Anyway, the point is that if you want to keep up with Alexis and I then look for us on Facebook or email us and we’ll send you the details.

For now, I leave a question behind.. If you’ve lost your house and can no longer be with your girlfriend and daughter because you’re unemployed, would you a) try and find another job as quickly as possible and make arrangements to find social or rented housing or b) sit on your arse all day and take the piss out of everyone for a couple of years while they try and build you a £50,000 extension and take you on Caribbean cruises and to Disneyworld?

Answers on a bottle of beer please..

We just watched a documentary. It’s a rare thing for me to do because they tend to bore me a little. This one in particular caught my eye, for reasons I will divulge in a moment, and it was entitled ‘Would you save a stranger?’

The premise of the programme was to recount the tales of random acts of violence on members of the public, from the points of view of the victims and the on lookers.

I’m not sure whether I wanted the programme to explain something to me or perhaps restore my faith in humanity a little.

It did neither…

The first tale struck a chord. A crowded bus, a frightened teenage boy and a group of older teens who beat this boy with sticks and belts. The people on the bus did nothing. Not only did they do nothing, but one girl actually put forward her point of view as to what she did and what other people did. They pretended it didn’t happen…and while she perhaps had wanted to act (she was with a group of grown men) the fact that others looked away made her look away too. Once it was all over (the boy ran from the bus being chased by this gang) they made eye contact with one another which she described as ‘an acknowledgement that something had happened, that it was all over and that they forgave one another for doing nothing’. There was no further mention of the boy. He could have been beaten to death for all anyone knows.

The point was, knowing it was wrong she let this boy be beaten because she didn’t want to be the one to stand up.

People like her disgust me.

When I was in school my best friend of the time was in the school band. On her way home from a practice one night she caught the metro with two boys. They were no more than 14. On a well lit metro they were robbed by two much older boys aged 19-20. There were ten other people on the carriage. My friend told me they sat and did nothing. I cried with her when she told me about her ordeal and the months afterwards when she was afraid to travel on her own because if in trouble she believed that no one would help her. i found it so hard to acknowledge that adults on that train would allow her to be unprotected like that.

Several years later I went to college and dated my first real boyfriend. I was still growing into this brash personality I have now and was a little shy. It was ten past five on a rush hour metro when two twenty-something men picked their fight with us. We were teenagers, we were minding our own business and apparently this makes it perfectly acceptable for grown men to hurl abuse at me and make exceptionally lewd comments.

We ignored them and moved further down the carriage because they were not worth our time. No comment was ever made to them.

They followed and attacked. There were probably over 50 people with a good view of the events. My boyfriend who had never uttered a word was beaten to the ground and kicked repeatedly in the face. I was pushed into a corner, had my bag wrenched from me and emptied onto the floor and was then groped and slapped about the face.

A man in the seat next to where I stood caught my eye for a moment and then looked away. There is no feeling in the world like the despair you can feel when you know that the people around you would rather pretend you did not exist than help you. In fact they are probably grateful that it is you and not them.

I am grateful that I am the girl I was back then and that I grew into the woman I am now. I kicked that son of a bitch so hard in the balls he would need a sweeps brush to get them back out of his lungs. Luckily for me we hit the next train stop and the bastard kicking my boyfriend in the face grabbed for his friend and made a run for it. I would not have liked to push my luck and take him on but by God I would have!

Even after the fact people did not rush to our aide. One older teen stepped forward and offered us tissue to stem the blood flow. That was it.

I would like to think that it was shame at their cowardice which kept them in their seats and that a little part of the day haunts the hell out of them. I know it doesn’t.

On the other hand it doesn’t haunt me either.

I can save my self, or if not I can do my best. That being the case, I would not turn away from you on the off chance that you cannot save yourself.

I remember the man who looked at me. I would recognise him in an instant if I saw him again. I may hesitate a moment before helping him….

It started here with Chrissy.

Phoenix took over here.

El Capitan moved us along over here

and then it was my turn to flex the rusty fiction muscles.

Enjoy….

Chapter 4 – Revelations

He had meant to go home. Just like Doyle said. Yet here he was, standing before the faded yellow door with his finger poised above the button linked to the fourth floor apartment labelled Lyric Chatelaine.

It seemed a man, no matter his faults, on finding the world was full of magic-folk, did not crave booze and cigarettes. He did not head home like a good boy, as though it was perfectly fine and normal day, to get some rest so that things would look brighter come the morning. He went looking for answers as to where all these crazy people had come from today.

It had started with a crazy lady and her odd eyes. Perhaps he could end it with a saner version of the same woman?

The door buzzer sounded in his ear, making him wrench his finger away from the button as though it had tried to bite. “Come on up Detective, we’ll be here all day if we wait for you to push that button.” Calm even over the speaker phone and deliciously cool in the sticky night air, her voice was unmistakable. He pushed on the door just as the buzzer stopped and slipped into the building.

Behind that faded yellow door was a whole world of beauty. The floor was marble, black as the night sky and filled with tiny white flecks that stretched to infinity. It was more like walking in space than an apartment block. White plaster filled the wall in perfection. Not a spot nor a stain or blemish to break the beautiful cleansing whiteness. The lobby was the full height of the four storey building with open balconies to each floor and ending in a magnificently painted domed ceiling that may possibly have made Michelangelo weep. At the far wall was the doorway to apartment one, the archway to the stairs and a grand open lift adorned in black iron work. Never in his life had he seen an apartment building like this in Gotham. Actually, not anywhere.

Eyeing the lift with a little suspicion he opted for the stairs and took them two at a time to the fourth floor. Her door was unassuming, considering the grandeur of the place. A plain and sturdy solid oak door. Nothing to make him worry. It made him worry because of that very fact… that and it stood open about a quarter inch, inviting him inside.

“We’re in the living room Detective.” The voice floated to his ears as though on a breeze. He pushed open the door and placed his hand on his gun. He may be crazy today but the word “we” did not escape his attention. Rounding the doorway into her living room Jake noted how much bigger the room looked from inside as opposed to through her window and then he noticed the woman.

Lyric Chatelaine.

She was perched on the arm of the chair in figure hugging jeans and that tight blue sweater. She stood and offered her hand, coaxing him to meet her eyes she smiled warmly. Those incredible eyes transfixed him. The left eye the deepest forest green and the right a blue more unfathomable than the sea.

“It’s lovely to see you again.” She took his hand and held it gently between her small cool hands as though warming herself for a moment. “Why don’t you take a seat? You seem to have a lot of questions.” She swept her arm towards the couch. Eyes following the arc of her arm they came to rest upon the couch, and the identical woman seated there.

Gun drawn, Jake Cole wrenched his hand from that of the dead woman and backed away to try and cover both with his piece if he could. “What the hell is going on here?”

****

The silence rang in the apartment. It filled his ears with its roar. His sharpened knives gleamed like diamonds on the black carpet. He was ready. All the time and planning were coming to a conclusion. The debasing and disgusting things he had done to bring himself to this one glorious point. Murder, sex and conniving. All she had to do was that one simple task. Convince him to seek out the priest, end the union so he could be the new father. That was all he asked!

Too late now and the plans were changing in his favour. There was no need to be the father of anything. It was time to simply be rid of the disgusting little sow. Lucian had given permission. Who was he to argue? He smiled as he heard the click of key in lock.

“Mark? I’m home!”

****

The dead woman backed away slowly, but serenely and sat beside her sister. “We mean you no harm Detective. Please put the gun away before you shoot my sister again.” The real Lyric Chatelaine spoke for the first time since he had entered the room. Dressed as her sister, save for the buttons on her sweater were amber in colour rather than the pink of Pandora’s. Why had he not noticed that before? And why was he holstering his gun against his judgement? Yet holstering he was. He needed answers and he really needed a drink and a smoke again. Apparently weird can cure you of the habit one moment and curse you again the next.

“You’re dead.” He said to the woman on the right. “She’s dead.” He said to the woman on the left. “I saw her die with my own two eyes.”

“Indeed Detective Cole, Pandora is dead as can be and nothing can change that. She is here for a short time only. We’re in grave danger and we need all the help we can get.”

“Who is we, what are we in danger of? If she’s dead why in the name of Christ is she up and about as alive as can be? And forgive me for speaking ill of the dead and all, but wasn’t she crazy when she shot herself? As a slight afterthought…” he held up his bandaged hand where Doyle had stuck him with the nail and which now held the iron ring, “What is all this about?”

“Questions which will be answered in good time I’m sure, but perhaps if we start at the beginning of all this you’ll better understand what we’re facing and why we need your help.” Jake edged himself to the chair on which Pandora had originally been perched when he entered the room and settled into the soft cushions.

“I’ve seen all kinds of crazy today,” he took out his cigarettes and crushed the box in his fist before laying it on the table beside him. “Ladies who shoot themselves with my own gun. Dead men talking to me in mirrors and green eyes glowing in the dark as I go a little out of my own mind. Dead folk wrapped in positions no contortionist could ever get into or out of and then old friends who stab me with nails and tell me fairies rule the world.” He sighed with the weight of a man who knew there was more weirdness to come before he would finally sleep. “Hit me with your best shot girls. I’m all ears.”

*****

He was Mark, but not her Mark. Head throbbing where the egg sized lump at the base of her skull still bled lightly down the back of her neck, Diane opened her eyes only a slit to view the crazed person who looked like Mark and sounded like Mark ranted and paced past the doorway in the next room.

Her hands were tied behind her back. Fingers lightly working the knots as best she could, she felt her phone pressed against her left thigh in the pocket of her slacks. If she could just get one hand free…

The knives lay across the room, reflecting the mad man she had once known as he paused in the doorway and looked at her. Eyes shut she held her breath and prayed he would begin his pacing and ranting once more.

If he knew she was awake she was dead. She knew that more certainly than she knew anything in this life, however short it may soon become.

*****

Startling eyes even more so when paired, both green and blue looked at him intently but with sincerity. He knew he was about to believe whatever they told him. It was Lyric who spoke first. The difference in their voices apparent now that they were together. Pandora spoke with a cool breeze, Lyric with the slight warmth of honey.

“We,” she started, glancing briefly to Pandora, “are what are known as Half-folk. The Fae, not to be confused with fairies, who are nothing but cute fantasy, are an ancient and powerful race who occupy a world that exists in and around the world that we live in. Almost touching, the Fae can only enter our world in a dream-like form, a kind of glamour. They can make a waking man dream or remember things he has no knowledge of knowing and speak to them in their minds”

“I’ve seen that show sister. Not a fun ride, if you ask me.”

Pandora smiled wickedly “That all depends on who’s giving the ride my friend.” Lyric looked for a moment as though she had swallowed a bug before smoothing her features and carrying on.

“Witches, humans with mystical powers, are the only people who can communicate with the Fae. Performing their tasks and relaying information. Half-folk are a rare breed of witch, so rare that we know of only one other of our kind in the city. One foot in this world and one in the world of the Fae we are identified by our eyes. We have always been of interest to the Fae, the powerful and not so pleasant kin have sought to find some connection between our people and their world which would allow them physical access to the human world.

Three years ago I came up against one of these Fae. A very powerful creature named Lucian. He stalked me, entered my dreams and called to me in my head every waking moment until I thought I would go out of my mind. The witch community gave me shelter. Broke the bond he had formed against my will and hid me from the world. I stayed hidden until today when my sister called out to me.”

She pulled the sweater tighter around her shoulders and reached out to her sister.

“The message was garbled and made no sense. I only understood that she needed my help and that we were all in danger. I needed to get to the other of our kind. Jimmy Dicarlo.”

Jake sat up straight as the air sailed out of him. “Father Jimmy Dicarlo? As in James Francis DiCarlo the priest?”

Surprise fluttered across the face of both twins like the wings of a butterfly. “Yes. He’s a priest at St. Joseph’s church.”

*****

Her hands were slippery now. The skin abraded from her fingertips from the coarse rope they bled and hindered her but she knew the ropes were coming loose a little at a time and soon enough she would have a hand free.

Please just let him keep up his insanity a little longer. A voice sounded in the hallway, “Where is the horrid little sow?”

She knew that voice. Opening her eyes to a slit she tried to focus on the face she didn’t want to see. Her blood ran cold as ice in her veins.

*****

“I know Jimmy.” He exclaimed, “He’s been our family priest for as long as I can remember. I married my wife in his church.”

“Is that why you were there?”, whispered Pandora

“My wife asked me to visit with him. To get our marriage annulled. But what about you? What were you doing there and why did you shoot yourself?”

“This is where things get complicated. When Lyric disappeared the witches couldn’t tell me where she was. Only that Lucian had tried to drive her insane. I moved into her apartment and kept it in her name for when she would come home. I spent the rest of my time trying to find Lucian. But Fae are difficult to find if they don’t want to be found, even by the like of us.

Eventually though, about three months ago, he found me all by himself. After he had, I wished he hadn’t. He tortured me. Day and night until I was completely out of my mind. What we didn’t know when he tormented Lyric, is that he has found the link. A way to enter our world.

Drive a member of Half-folk out of their mind and there is space left in there for a Fae to enter. Our place between worlds mean the Fae would be able to interact and use their powers, a fully physical presence in this world. When I met you, he was there. Inside my head all cold and slimy and I couldn’t get back in control. I went looking for Jimmy to help me. By the time I got there, I knew it was too late. And then I saw you and the gun. I was desperate. I did the only thing I could.” She lifted her shoulders lightly in half apology and half a touch of sorrow.

Lyric gave her hand a squeeze, “And then I picked up her sweater and used it to bring her back. But then again you already knew that, you saw our little light display before you took off to look for her body.” She gave a little smile “Had you stuck around for a few minutes I would have saved you a trip to the morgue. She would have just turned up here.”

He smiled at her in spite of himself. “Ok, so you two I can understand. But where do I come into all of this? Doyle said my family are witches.”

Lyric nodded. “From your mother’s side the Constantino line stretches back as far as the lines have been traced. We had thought the line died out a few generations ago.”

Pandora raised an eyebrow. “He’s a Constantino?”

“Bold as brass” Replied Lyric.

“And my Father, he was a hunter of some kind according to Doyle. He ‘clipped wings’.”

“He did what?!” Both voices at once, the twins leaned towards him with a new urgency. For once the calm stripped bare from their faces.

“Doyle, my pal.” He held up his hand, “The one who stuck me with the nail, he told me. My Mother’s family were witches and my Father was a hunter of some kind, clipping fairies wings.” He was sure he hadn’t heard incorrect but the look on the faces before him made him more than a little uncertain.

“He’s been in our city the whole time.” Whispered Lyric. Pandora nodded. “Right under our noses and we never even knew it. The prophecy could be true.”

“Who’s been in the city? What prophecy?”

“You Jake. Detective Jacob Constantino Cole. Your father is Half-folk. Hunter is a name for male Half-folk. Women heal and aid witches and humans with the good Fae, men hunt out the bad and ensure balance. The son of a lost witch line and a Half-folk. You’re something very special indeed Jake. A prophecy tells of a child born to such a man as you and a first love who would be the Hunter King. A Half-folk of such power that he would forever tip the balance of the Fae to the good.”

Jake felt the weight of his son. Patrick the Hunter King? He knew he wasn’t the man in their prophecy. His first love was now the love of another man, but now was not the time to tell them his life story. He dismissed their prophecy nonsense with a wave of his hand.

“What about Father Jimmy? Is he in danger? You said he was the third right, so if he’s some sort of hunter this Lucian dude has to be looking for him somewhat.”

Pandora blanched. “Good God Lyric. I never even thought! I was on my way to see Jimmy. Lucian has to know what he is, he was inside my head. We’ve sat here this entire time and he could’ve been attacking Jimmy for god knows how long. He’s at least twice as strong now as he was before he got inside my head.”

Jake was already on his feet. “Then we had better get over there right now!” His phone rang as they headed for the door. He answered it without thinking.

“Jake?” Diane’s whispered and frantic tones issued to his ear.

“Diane?”

“Oh God Jake, help me! Mark has gone insane. I’m tied up. There are knives in here!!” Her voice rose an octave or two even for her whisper. “Jake, Father Dicarlo is here. There’s something horribly wrong with his eyes. Oh my God, they’re coming back in!”

The line went dead…

Looking at his silent phone Jake knew he was grey as ash. Turning to the twins he almost choked on his words, “Lucian has my wife.”

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Tune in for the final Chapter next week, where we go back to the beginning! I can’t wait.

Fat Louie turned up one grey, wet afternoon in December.

We had warning of his arrival but still, when that knock on the door came, we weren’t prepared. Nothing could have prepared us. He’d travelled under an assumed name, but everyone knew who he was. The dazzling white smile as sly as it was smooth; large, languid coal coloured eyes that betrayed no emotion; a voice that purred in velvetine tones, and a beguiling charm that made friends of everyone. This was Fat Louie all right. No mistaking it.

He sauntered in, shaking the weather off his jet black coat and sat, without invitation, on the arm of the chair opposite. Fat Louie had found his place and listened quietly to our rambling introductions. He made no introduction himself. None needed.

We called out for pizza. We were making chilli but Fat Louie didn’t do chilli. He didn’t do pizza either. The finest Scottish smoked salmon for him with some chilled water. Nothing grand. Nothing pretentious. But that was Fat Louie. He just sat there, satisfied and silent as he watched and listened to our world go by. A spectator of events.

But it was a restless night. We heard Fat Louie, wandering about and talking to god knows who. When he wanted to talk, everyone knew about it. But he didn’t care. The urge to tell him to shut up gnawed at us both, but we didn’t dare disturb him. Nobody tells Fat Louie what to do. Or when. Fat Louie isn’t a law unto himself. Fat Louie is the law.

The next morning we talked about the night before. Fat Louie said nothing, just nodded, sat back in the chair and listened. Sometimes he slept, but you could never tell. For he always knew where you were. Always listening. And that was his day. Quiet, contemplative, watching.

Another night came and went. Fat Louie was up again, wandering the house. Talking again. A little quieter this time, but loud enough so that you knew he was there. You knew he was in charge. We knew he had to go.

And then, as if he read our thoughts, he was gone. A knock at the door and his car arrived. Not even a goodbye or thank you. He just up and left. Made his way to the car and left his driver to do the talking. Make the farewells.

Fat Louie. Maybe one day you’ll meet him. Maybe you won’t. If you do you’ll know it. No one forgets Fat Louie.

I remember the good old days. I was wild and feisty (not as feisty as Chrissy but still…) and most of all, I was tough. I mean sick puppies made me cry but not much else. Oh no!

Garry and I have been searching for the perfect ‘just married, back up the aisle we go’ song. I heard it today. Just a small snippet and I was excited. Garry came home and I mentioned it. He has it on his ipod, he played it for me.

Here comes the sun by Nina Simone

I sat listening to this happy song, looking at the man I love and just as Nina sang ‘here comes the sun, it’s all right’, sunlight flooded our living room and it was warm and beautiful. the absolute perfect moment of happiness and promise…. and I cried like a freaking baby.

I mean seriously, tears of utter blooming joy. What the hell is going on there. I used to set folks trousers on fire for Christ sake and here I am weeping!

Bloody weird I tell ya.

His: A small alarm clock, some glasses, a Swiss army knife, a radio and two small books on Zen.

Hers: A mobile phone, a lamp and a big assed bowey knife as bought in texas (technically for him). Her book of choice…The Zombie Survival Guide.

I sometimes feel we compliment each other beautifully. I have the ready for anything weird approach and he has the ready for anything normal, calm and practical approach.

I cannot wait to marry this man, I think it could be one hell of a wedding ;)

“I’m not a child prodigy, I’m just a smart arse”

I had thought that my days for talking to people who were thicker than 100 year old oaks were over now that everyone I encounter at the office is supposed to be sober. Unfortunately it proves true that when they are sober, muppets are still invariably muppets. Observe….

Me – We sent you two cheques back as you made them out to the deceased in error, can you check what’s happening with that?

Stockgirl – Our records show that Mr Bob himself cashed those cheques on the date of issue.

Me – Firstly, it’s impossible to cash a cheque on the date of issue as it would have to reach him in the post, second the cheque was issued in 2003 and Mr Bob died in 2001 so he certainly didn’t cash the cheque.

Stockgirl – No no, our system definitely shows he cashed the cheque on date of issue in 2003.

Me *after 5-10 minutes of repeating the above conversation* – LOOK! The guy was dead and burried for two years before you even sent the cheque out, HE DIDN’T CASH IT…unless of course he clawed himself out of the grave and walked into the bank. I’m sure we would all have heard about it though as the upset cashier would definately have gone to the news!

Stockgirl – I don’t know whats going on here.

Me – I don’t think you know what’s going on ANYWHERE!

Needless to say I am waiting for a call back from someone not completely lacking in brain function, and also for my brain to stop bleeding so heavily from all the pressure that built up in it over the 25 minute call.

Garry was away this weekend. Perhaps he will think twice before leaving me unsupervised next time?

Her – I had a little accident.
Him – What’d you do?
Her – I stuck my fingers together with expanding polyfiller foam!
Him – riiiiight
Her – It’s ok, I fixed it!

Despite being a slight r-tard, the holes in the wall are refilled, the curtain hooks are back up and the house is spotless, including my wardrobes which have been cleaned out and clothing bundled for charity. I can get shit done with less than the required number of digits. I rock!

Bash baby bunnies for an after lunch snack..

The Quick About

Small Jelly Babies

Between the Sheets is all about him and her and their continuing (mis)adventures in adulthood.

It might not make sense.

Find Things